Esther and I
In the beginning, I didn't like Esther that much. The way she talked about the people around her like Doreen and Betsy, disgusted me, which I mean was the point, but it was still uncomfortable to read. I also was seeing a lot of Holden in her, especially how she was criticizing other people for things that she also did, so she seemed to be a hypocrite just like Holden was.
Then when I read the scene with Buddy and her at the medical school, my attitude towards her changed. When she saw Mrs. Tomolillo give birth and how horrified she was by it, I related to her so much. As much as I want kids when I'm older, the whole process of giving birth terrifies me. There's so much pain and risk involved that I don't want to ever do it. Also, I liked when Esther was talking about how it always has to be the women that has to stay pure and a virgin, while the man has the freedom to chose what he pleases. It's sad that this same kind of notion still exists in our society, women are still shamed for having "too" much sex, but when man does the same thing, he's applauded for it.
I think the one thing hit a little too close to home for me was when Esther felt like she was lost and that she had lost her sense of direction in life. I'm going through the same sort of feeling right now because all my life I thought I knew what I wanted to be and do when I grow up, but now when I've actually reached the point where I now have to decide, I'm completely lost. I'm afraid that I'll chose the wrong decision, but also it hit me that the only way to be successful in this day and in age is that you have to constantly pursue higher education. I'm not sure if I want to spend the majority of my life being in school so then in the end, I'll end up having a job that I don't like, but stick with it anyway because that's what pays the bills.
Here's to hoping that both Esther and I both find our paths.
Then when I read the scene with Buddy and her at the medical school, my attitude towards her changed. When she saw Mrs. Tomolillo give birth and how horrified she was by it, I related to her so much. As much as I want kids when I'm older, the whole process of giving birth terrifies me. There's so much pain and risk involved that I don't want to ever do it. Also, I liked when Esther was talking about how it always has to be the women that has to stay pure and a virgin, while the man has the freedom to chose what he pleases. It's sad that this same kind of notion still exists in our society, women are still shamed for having "too" much sex, but when man does the same thing, he's applauded for it.
I think the one thing hit a little too close to home for me was when Esther felt like she was lost and that she had lost her sense of direction in life. I'm going through the same sort of feeling right now because all my life I thought I knew what I wanted to be and do when I grow up, but now when I've actually reached the point where I now have to decide, I'm completely lost. I'm afraid that I'll chose the wrong decision, but also it hit me that the only way to be successful in this day and in age is that you have to constantly pursue higher education. I'm not sure if I want to spend the majority of my life being in school so then in the end, I'll end up having a job that I don't like, but stick with it anyway because that's what pays the bills.
Here's to hoping that both Esther and I both find our paths.
This whole post hit home wow!! Well first of all, I also am so scared of childbirth ??!! Like it seems literally so awful and terrifying and the whole thing about being drugged so you don't even realize how much pain you go through made it even scarier. I have no desire of being a limp body while doctors have the first connection with my own child. Weird and horrifying. On another note, know that you're not alone in the journey to finding yourself. You don't have to know what you want to be right now; people constantly change as minds develop and the world progresses. College is where you figure that out -- Esther started doubting herself during/after her college years so see it as a good thing that you're thinking about everything now:) You got this!!!
ReplyDeleteI relate a lot to this blog post. Esther's relations childbirth mirrored my own. I would not want the experience of Ms. Tomolillo to be my own. I found it really scary when they drugged her so that she would not remember the pain that she was in. What also frightened me was their reason for this, so that she will want to have another kid. Their reason was not so that she would experience less pain.
ReplyDeleteOof. I relate. As a kid, I remember being really scared of childbirth because I imagined it would hurt so much but I think the thought of drugging someone so they won't remember the pain and have another child seems more horrifying. I also understand the feeling of being lost and not knowing the right choice to make especially in regards to college. I also understand Esther fear of not being able to pick a right path and watching all the "figs dry up".
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